Tuesday, February 23, 2010
True thoughts and feelings about baby #2
Sigh....where to begin? I found out I was pregnant with this new baby the day before we spent all night in the hospital with Brady when he had pneumonia. Not great timing! I was staring at my baby on this huge hospital bed with IV's in his arm and just thought, "I have a baby - are you kidding me?" After we got home, he was sick and clingy for about another week so I was completely drained emotionally, physically, spiritually, you name it. Because he had been so sick, his pediatrician said that he would probably regress in some areas and that that was just part of the deal. He did regress - A LOT! He became a newborn again, waking up every 2 hours. I was so spent. I remember this one day so clearly. I had been up all night with Brady and I was tired and morning, well all day sickness, had really set in. It was about 11:00 am and I knew Brady as exhausted. I put him in his crib and he screamed and screamed and screamed. I called my mom hysterical and just talked to her about a mile a minute about how I was so tired. I could in no way handle a new baby. I was completely spent. He eventually cried himself to sleep after 45 minutes of torture for us both. So at almost 11 months old, I had to re-sleep train him, UGH!!! My mom called about 30 minutes later to check on me and I just started crying again. She could tell I was at the end of my rope. She came over and picked up Brady and took him to her house so I could just have the day to recoup. I pretty much cried for hours on and off as I tried to wrap my head around the idea that in about 7 1/2 months I would have another baby to care for! I cried for the loss of time I would have with my little buddy. I cried for not feeling excited about this new baby. Basically, I cried - A LOT! This pregnancy was not planned but it was here and this baby was coming and I needed to get on board. So, I prayed to feel excited. I prayed for strength to handle this new adventure. I prayed that I would savor every last minute I had with just Brady and me. I prayed that my body would be strong and healthy for this little baby that I was starting to get excited about little by little. I still pray everyday for this baby that I now love and am so excited to meet. I also still worry that I am not up for the challenge. I still cry sometimes that everyday I wake up is one less day I have with my precious first born, my partner in crime, my best little buddy. But most of the time I cry happy tears that Heavenly Father has blessed us once again with a sweet little spirit. Most of the time I think how much fun these two kids are going to have together. Most of the time, my heart swells with joy at the thought of sharing this sacred experience with my dear husband, who I love and respect. He makes all of this seem fun and exciting. So, ready or not, baby #2 is on it's way!